希望你懂

我妈固执，霸道，不善于育儿教女，爱惹事生非，有时候就像一枚计时炸弹随时随地都会引爆。。。尽管她有再多的不是，因为是我妈所以都忍了，但凡是都会有限度我也承认自己忍耐力不强一旦看不过眼的都会去批评，因为是家人！别人的无知我可以闭上双眼当作看不见，但因为是你我做不到。对家人的期望我没办法设得太低！

我无法理解为什么工作繁忙就不能把自己打扮得体些？以其浪费时间和那些无聊的人说三道四为什么不多花些心思在书籍上？为什么不能控制言辞举止？为什么不听劝？每一次好言相劝的时候就把：“因为生了你们这些小孩所以才会变到今天这副模样！”；“这么辛苦供你读书还不懂得惜福！” 这样的话来抵挡 ，我接受不到！

我讨厌被比较所以也尽量不拿朋友家人和自己的作比较，但有时候就因为自己家人太特别了，我从来没能理解过火的幽默感，明明是关心的却又以像刀般刃利讽刺的话语回话。。。我接受不到！

从上中学开始妈就左右我生活，一直灌输我是要到英国留学的念头，我喜欢的学科不给念，现在却说修这门学问好修那门学问好的！折了我的翼后却告诉我要到哪里都行！口头上说给百分百民主自由，却十分的专制！我已是大学生了却还一天给几十通电话，我的帐号都必须通过你，我的朋友也得通过你，就连我的饮食习惯都想改变，这一切一切都快把我逼疯了。我不反对你想了解我的方法，但有时候我还是需要一些些喘息的私人空间。

我懂，真的懂你的用意，但是我不是扯线木偶，我也有自己的想法，执着，要求，为什么就没人试下了解我，体谅我呢？家人是我的依赖，但我不想把生活的重心围着你饶，我并不觉得你丢脸但有要求就有进步是不是？所以我要的是更多更美好，你可以了解吗？如果令你伤心难过了，对不起。但是这些是我的想法。

02 April 2011 To my Peter

I had a dream...

A nightmare which I saw my lovely grandpa died inside the dream, caused by accidentally fell down (touch wood and finger-crossed). His soul return and he came back visit me, he hide himself inside the toilet and talking to me, cant remember what did he said, but I'm so glad that I'm always his lovely grandchild no matter in reality or inside the dream. But I really dun 1 2 lose anyone, please stay healthy and take good care of yourself grandpa, please...

Wish that you can stay till hundred and give me the chance to take care of you yea... I love you so so so so much... Miss you

sitting outside waiting for us to came home

photos with little grandchildren

tiger year chinese new year photo

yay~ finally I'm inside the photo too ( taken by kakak, her skill not so bad yea, good job)

The day I left them, taken before flew to UK

29/03/2011 ~Partay~

and there's a lovely tea from my house-mate later £(#^.^#)Y

27/03/2011 Gal's outing

Gathering with one of my primary, secondary schoolmate + college, university senior + hotel's colleague after a long long apart. It's a weird liaison for us to be link in this relationship which we never think of everything will be so coincident.

Still remember that we never have any closely contact since young, she's a talkative and outstanding person in the class but I'm the silence group which like to keep to myself all the time. It change after today's meeting, I'm happy to see her appearance here, feel so good to hang out with her for the whole evening.

Since when friendship plays a big part in my life? Dun care just let it be~I care a lot of you all, every single friend of mine, so if you really wants to be my friend, never ever disappoint me please.

I got a new leng lui friend today~ teheeee~ so so heipie

２３／３／２０１１

悠闲的下午，叹着淡淡的绿茶听着爱听的歌，你的留言突然冒出；这有些突然，笑了～喜欢和你聊天，简单的几句心里就会是暖暖的。我不需要固定时间的联系一天一定要聊几粒钟的话；我不需要日记般的每日报告，那些只会让我觉得很无聊。久违的问候才是最棒的！只要是对的人，就算是什么话都不说就静静的待着，都不会觉得尴尬。这样的朋友不用多，只要一个就ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｅｎｏｕｇｈ！我不懂我们的友谊会维持到什么阶段，经过那么多的不愉快事件后你还在身边就很开心，希望保持现状就好。　

Ｌｉｎｇ，　ｊｕｓｔ　ｗａｎｔｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｔｈａｎｋ　ｙｏｕ　ｆｏｒ　ｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄｉｎｇ　ａｎｄ　ｂｅ　ｂａｃｋ　ｔｏ　ｍｙ　ｓｉｄｅ．　Ｙｏｕ＇ｌｌ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｂｅ　ｍｙ　ｎｏ．１．　Ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ

21/03/2011 我的交友观

我讨厌（其实应该说懒惰去维持吧？）那种婆婆妈妈的朋友联系，我不会主动和朋友联系，也许我没办法记得大家的生日，没办法记得今天约了谁看戏，明天约了谁喝茶，不懂我的都说我爱利用人，爱放飞机~不想隐瞒，突如其来的找朋友才是我的性格。

我可以很姐妹也可以很麻吉，我可以很善良也可以很神秘（阴暗，有点难听==”）其实我更像一面镜子，和谁在一起就会是谁的倒影。

我不会婉转的说好听的话去收买人心，那样太做作了，做人就是要爽快麻！我比较喜欢当个巫婆骑着扫把拿着针到处刺破那美丽却虚幻的泡泡，我宁愿明知道说了真心话后会被讨厌，也不要为了讨人喜欢而说谎！（姐中我毒舌最多次了，她应该很了解我吧）甚至，我会离开那些被发现了缺点给了机会也没法更正的朋友。讨厌的，我没办法为了留住朋友而欺骗自己说没关系。也许是我太固执吧，我无法打破自己的原则！

有怪莫怪咯，朋友们~我很重视大家但我讨厌按牌理出牌！没办法，我就是这么情绪化，慢热而被动的...

Manchester

God is there for you to hold on

Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your faith, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to God's hand.

your soul wants the freedom to sing, dance, love

As your body needs nourishment- food, drink, sleep, so does your soul needs nourishment- sing, dance, love. Life is not all work, work is not all hard toil. Nourish your soul with the food that is right for it, for it is the altart of your own inner temple.

Dear families, I love you all ♥

和家人在一起时都是最安心的，交通费，住宿费，甚至购物都是家人的！和姐姐每个星期的购物我从来没花过自己的钱；出国旅行我分文都没带，只带了护照厚着脸皮跟着去；学游泳，学画画，学音乐，舞蹈...姐姐全包。所以我最爱和最担心的就是这傻乎乎的姐姐，单纯得有点傻的姐姐！

听见公公，婆婆和爸爸问：“生活得还好吧？”就会眼眶湿湿的。虽然我一向来都很独立，但是，还是很想把帅帅的爸爸和亲爱的公公婆婆带在身边！

我讨厌和妈咪聊天！每一次接妈咪的电话，一定要准备tissue.不管我发在大的脾气，妈咪每一次还是会笑着和我继续聊天和谅解我。我讨厌听她说：

“我在XXX看见好看的衣服，裙子，靴子，想买给你但是不知道你喜欢吗，得空时去逛逛，去逛街购物吧，没关系，女孩子就是要打扮漂漂亮亮，穿漂亮些！”

“还有钱花吗？要我再过些给你吗？”

听到这些我都会很难过~

爸爸妈咪不管再怎么难过都会咬紧牙根，笑笑的面对。亲眼看见家人明明病得很严重却还是起身工作，每次见家人都觉得大家又憔悴了，就会很心痛！花家人辛辛苦苦赚来的血汗钱，我过意不去！我不想和那些尊贵的王子公主作比较，因为我相信他们的心灵生活永远都比不上我所拥有的。被人家当成跟不上潮流的穷光蛋也没关系，因为我所拥有的已经超过我所需要的，有大家在身边就已经是最最最富裕的，所以不需要再为我那么辛苦了！

我每晚睡前都会想象以后的房子和生活，那里有我，有每一个我爱的家人，要筑间茶坊给公公；婆婆的花园要安装足够的水管，那样她就不用为了灌输烦恼了；爸爸的房间要安装家庭式剧院组；妈咪的房间要特制一台大型电脑，旁边就是厨房，玩累了可以去厨房找东西吃；阁楼留给叔叔卷烟子；大姐和二姐的房要有大大的服装间和大大的化妆间；弟弟的房是男子气概的乐器间~大人们的生日和重要节日要怎么庆祝。。。然后再在这幸福的想像中慢慢的睡着。

但，很害怕毕业后挣到的给不到家人舒适的生活，我该从哪里开始努力啊？

If you could see with the eyes of God, this world would be filled with goodness

Goodness is within you and every living being. Let your goodness shine.

温柔的阳光 高远的蓝天上 云朵在慢慢地飘过

在这种时候 人们正在进行着神奇的旅行

虽然在动 感觉却好像是静止的

因为不在动 所以是静止的感觉

停止的时间开始转动

有时能体会到那样的瞬间

地球看起来停止了

是因为我们的心也停止了

只要我们的内心开始转动

地球就会随时舞动

如果做个小小的旅行 平常的日子 说不定看起来会有所不同

07/03/2011 You can't free yourself from a problem by shutting your eyes to it

To free yourself from a problem you have to acknowledge it and face ir with your eyes and heart open.

I'm blessed

You may think you have challenges, but you have so many blessings. Sometimes it takes only a moment of conscious effort to recognize those blessings. Once you focus on the gifts instead of the problems, your whole perspective will change and you will see blessings everywhere.

05/03/2011

original

edited

4/3/2011

Dissertation really driving me half mad! Have been working for few days yet didn't get any positive outcome! >.<.. It's useless to push so hard since I can't get any useful info... so... take a break first~ Photo time^.^

It has been a long time since my last self-portrait session. Forgotten how to smile properly ==" so most of my photos are funny face >.<

My room been left like a aftermath of war since I focus in my assignment. It's stint and messy! Decided to do a fast housekeeping, packing almost all winter stuff like scarf, winter jacket, ear muff...

before and after

Shoes also thrown everywhere, think I need a shoe rack.

Listen

Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you.

If you relax, it comes

Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand- relax. if you relax, it is here. If you relax, God shows you the way.

Arg~is that means asking me to do nothing?! This is the dissertation week, will my dissertation being completed by God if I do nothing?

无聊ing

Case 1: 玩蜡烛=烫到手

Case 2:什么人都不想见，什么话都不想说，电脑设离线，手机设静音丢进包包里，房门设禁止打扰告示，抱着爆米花，听着窗外雨滴嘀嗒嘀嗒，发呆+颓废ing

Case 3:放学后去逛超市，买了一大堆零食，饮料，水果，躲在被窝里趴着边吃边按电脑

Case 4: 画了一大堆涂鸦在房里乱贴

Case 5: 和我养的仙人掌们聊天，伤心，冬冬快死了...(T.T)...

Case 6:睡觉咯， 晚安

Every time you pretend to love, you impoverish yourself more and more

Love has great potential to enrich your life. But if you are just playing a role, pretending to love, it's only going to poison you. Because you are teaching yourself that it's just a game, and slowly but surely you will lose the capacity to open in love.

To love is to be vulnerable

Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

When you need some energy and inspiration, step outside.

Touch the earth with your feet, lift your face to the sun, breath the air, listen tot the birds and the wind through the trees. Glory in the creation that surround you.

21/02/2011

那年我把你从我的网页删除了，把你和我隔离了不想再有任何瓜葛也花了不少心血使命的逃出你的阴影。但，我还是会时常想起那年所发生的事情，还是摆脱不了我们的关系，就好像是已经深深的烙印在我的心头上了，怎么使劲地想摆脱却始终还在！刚刚又偷偷的去查看你的资料。结果，锁着的。幸好，这样至少我不会看到我不想看到的。老实说，认识你我很累！You make me sick and weak！我也知道是时候放了，但没办法我不想忘记你。至少，有些回忆是值得留恋的；至少，在我空虚时不会寂寞，没关系吧？

我要考试了，要祝福我

17/02/2011 Crazy with crazy friends

Carol is so so so horny!

Bad Hair Day

Wake up in a bad bad hair~ Arg, it's time to make over again!

14/02/2011 Happy Valentine? Cheers to the single

It's 14 February again! I don't like valentine's day, everyone around me will be curious about my valentine celebration when the day is coming year to year. I spend time for myself, I go for a body massage, facial treatment, pedicure manicure, high tea, having popcorn, ice-cream, tit-bits during movies in my house's sofa, open a nice wine/champaign and cheers to my single life at the balcony. I never date any guy on this day for all this 23 years! It will be the same for this year. I love to be alone, I love myself more than anyone else, so stop asking how am I going to celebrate my valentine's day xp

My family and close friends are getting worried for my love life. It really gave me a shock when heard from mummy that I can get myself in a serious relationship, it's time to get a boy friend! It breach the rule as a student between you and me! My friends start concern about my requirement for choosing a partner and start looking around the guys around them for me like a 'mother dowry'...

Dun worry please, I always claim that I'm a lesbian all this while is just to keep myself out of this kind of stupid love issue. I got a normal love life as you all. I fell in puppy love and secretly admiring senior when I was in secondary, I do hang out with guys sometimes but the different is I can't let myself tied up in a serious relationship as I see through people so quickly. I can't stand with all the stupidest and ugly side like drinking, flirting, cheating, gambling, drug adoption... I just can't accept that!

It's sorry to say but I really hate stupid guy. I dun care how gorgeous or good looking you are from the outside but I just couldn't stand the emptiness from the inside! You need not have a highly educated background but at least there have to be something inside you, a great personality maybe. I love money but you need not to be so wealthy; at least you have to be aggressive and have the ability to make money because I do believe that people appreciate what they earn on their own rather than the family heritage.

A friend ever told that my heart is made from a glass, it's cold and strong. Yeah, I agree with that, it's cold and will only melted down by a raging fire, but it's fragile and easily break! I'm the kind of people who care nothing if don't get it, but high desire and continuously requires more and better once I own it. I looks so bubbly and fast healing once get hurt, but who knows it takes how long to heal the wound inside.

I have a complicated life, unique background, I have come through so many things in my life and gathered so many life experiences that I do like to share, but it's hard to get someone that really understanding. Sometimes there is someone with the common interest but when comes to the level it just so wrong! Stop complaint that I climb too fast, but it is your own problem.

I'm not choosy but just haven't met the one, it's not yet the time.

半透明的伤心

藏在泪滴

顺着呼吸

眼前的景物越来越不清晰

谁能来填满空虚的面积

请小心轻放　容易破碎的玻璃心

(Photo from Valen Hsu 'Handle with care' book cover, chinese article from Pixnet, http://gerggg2.pixnet.net/blog/31)

12/02/2011 Bath Together Gather

Having a fun school trip with my course-mates in Bath, a trip full of laughter and joy, even though we never enter the Roman Baths and few others famous architecture. We spend our time by walking around and seeing around the Bath. My first impression of Bath is : OMG! What a boring city! The colour of the building from houses to shop lot is all the same, the design of the building is very orderliness, you can find that no one building is outshining the other! It's really blew away my negative thought of the city once I step on the ground on my own feet. It's a crowded busy tourism city and the architecture are so amazing. Of course, the major cause that changed my mind is because of my great partner and playmates^^ Thanks gals and guy for making up my day and giving a good memories...

Photos curi from Kelvin, Yan and Hazel

11/02/2011

I read a nice article written by a father( Kai Fu Lee, an information technology executive and a computer science researcher) dedicated to his daughter regards the relationship issues. It is true and touch me inside and out, but sadly I cant find the link now to share! I like his work very much and I'm so into his every single article. Strongly recommend!

http://tenkucity.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=252&extra=

This article also quite nice, read it.

10/02/2011

Being so lazy to update my blogger recently, so I decided to join my yesterday activities with today. I've been spending my yesterday night in city campus library together with LWC and E. Seow. Have been so into the mood of doing my dissertation but I ended up with facebooking, What the hack am I for choosing that stupid topic for my dissertation! I can't even search for further information and journal for that!!! Arg!

It's almost empty in this huge library, seems like 3 of us own it for the night! haha

It's always a hard task for me to get up in the morning. Being struggling with myself in the bed for almost 20 minutes, but finally I manage to get myself prepared for 1pm meeting with my consultancy project group. Hah~ I even received a text from Maria reminding me not to forget the meeting and dun be late to catch my bus to Walsall. She's so lovely (^*^)

Discussing what we have work out for today.

Karan and me myself are assign to come out with the strategic direction.

Cute Aman sticking the thumb drive on his fore head. I'm wondering how could he do that? I wanna try this!

Everyone being starving after the meeting xP Maria is enjoying her slice of banana cake and she didn't even know that I took this candid shoot of her...

I got Twix for myself...

I love our group so much. Looking forward for next meeting, Love you all gals and guyz!

08/02/2011

Yesterday having a long long noon nap? (maybe should called it sleep) and making me suffer from sleeping at the proper time during night time. I felt sleepy at around 4am! I ended up by overslept and missed my morning bus which cause me to skip the consultancy group meeting with Ms. Gylaine. I almost miss the 1am bus too, but luckily I made it and still got some time to enjoy today's sunshine.

This is where I waiting for my bus to get to Walsall Campus.



Being starving since yesterday midnight, I got my food stuff at the cafe. Actually I hate to spend my money inside the campus, it's quite expensive and not much choice! Hot chocolate and vege sandwiches always my first choice.

a small size hot chocolate (actually it's not hot after few second, I would rather call it warm chocolate xD) and a vegetarian triple pack (egg mayonnaise & cress, cheddar ploughman's, savoury cheese & baby spinach) makes my day (yesterday dinner, today breakfast, lunch and dinner) I'm not on diet, just being too lazy to cook and serve myself food in this cold weather, I prefer to starve inside my warmth duvet world >.<" It's 2pm to 5pm for today Changing Face workshop and lecture. It's quite fun to have a long lecture actually. We playing with my phone's camera and my lx-3 during the short break in between the class.

This is Ms. Gylaine (actually just duno how come got this photo inside my phone, maybe mis-press)


curi-curi snap this during Ms. Gylaine having a group discussion with the group.




Hng! Naughty Kelvin must be taken this on purpose, never ask people to standby!


Hiak hiak hiak, I got you back!


Maria looks gorgeous in her new hair style


Yan on the left, Maria in the middle and me. They are mine best friends hopefully our status won't change ya.